Diary
My mother’s marriage before my existence – Ahmed Seif Hashed
My memoirs.. from the details of my life
Ahmed Seif Hashed
My mother’s marriage before my existence
Before my existence, my “mother” had married twice before my father.. I was at that time in nothingness, or so I imagine it.. When compared to my subsequent existence, it seems that nothingness is devoid of everything.. a great void, with no place or time.. a void that has no container and no There are no boundaries, no suffering, no hell..there is no aspect of feeling or existence of any kind in it.. a state that cannot be imagined or described by anything other than nothingness, or something similar to it, or something close to it..
To find an approach to understanding your nothingness, you have to unleash your imagination, to visualize this nothingness.. you have to imagine your nothingness if you are drowning in imagination and deep thinking.. you have to launch questions in the spaces of exploration of existence and non-existence..
Ask your consciousness if you are conscious, or your imagination if you have imagination: What were you a thousand years ago?! What did this universe mean to you a million years ago?! What did you mean to this world before such a date?! Even zero if you compare it to you on that day, you’d be less than zero if zero had a minus.
And after your death, perhaps it will not mean existence in anything, even if your fingerprint remains in it, saying, “Pass through here,” nothing will remain but your short and fleeting passage in this life from which you passed at the speed of light, and what you were in it.
Your short life, which is like a blink of an eye, or a thousand and a million faster than it on the scale of time eternal. Before you turned or left him, and without knowing the end of it, maybe you and I – if not in a certain ruling – are a child of it, and each in his existence has a proportion of good and evil that may decrease or increase without pure..
My mother’s first husband:
My mother’s first husband was one of her relatives.. She was not more than twelve years old at the time of her marriage contract with him, and he is years older than her.. Their marriage lasted about four years, and she did not have children, perhaps because he came years before her first menstruation, yet I did not hear from my mother One day she denounced this marriage, or slandered it, either because of her ignorance or consent, or because of the remnants of beautiful memories and nostalgia she tends to.
Her husband wanted to take her with him to Aden, where he works and resides, but the husband’s father had the authority to decide the first in rejection or acceptance, and he prevented and refused was firm and resolute, and imposed on the spouses his choice and nothing else.. His paternal authority went beyond the most details .. He could have interfered and objected even to the gifts that his son sent from Aden to his wife in the village, which is what actually happened, and it was a door to a problem that one day collapsed..
The wife, despite her young age, had to do her best to serve the father’s family and obey him. As for the son, he must be submissive and obedient. He does not want the father to command an order, and he has no right to object or defeat the will of his father if he wants and wants..
It was shameful, and even disobedient, for a son to stand against his father’s desire and authority, even if the father crushed his son’s happiness and love for his wife.. On the other hand, the authority of the wife’s family interfered as well, under the pretext of protecting their daughter from the abuse of the husband’s family, so gambling began with her marital destiny, and many and the future of her This interference and contradiction led to divorce and great separation.
The authority of “my mother’s other” intervened, and the mother had a powerful personality and strong will.. She took her daughter to her home.. while the spouses were crying, not wanting a divorce or separation.. The two cried, and the bitterness of the situation increased, that they did not have the fate of their marriage and love. They have neither power nor power to stop the conflict, and what leads to the gambling of the heads of families, and the intensification of the dispute between the father of the husband and the mother of the wife, and the indifference and the preservation of what is possible, lost the love that was defeated by obedience and gambling, and it ended in dislocation, and separation forever..
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My mother’s second husband:
“My mother” married for the second time from a relatively remote area, and without relatives.. But this marriage was short and fleeting.. “My mother” did not stay with this kind and generous husband, except for a few weeks, the love was incomplete, or one-sided, and he could not The generosity and generosity of the husband, to fill the missing half of the lost love.
My mother’s wedding took place in her second marriage, without any prior knowledge of who wanted her to marry, and without even seeing him or being consulted, and without her having a word in acceptance, rejection or choice.. My mother did not see her except on the wedding night.. The marriage was For “mom” and maybe for the husband as well, it’s like fortune-telling, fortune-telling, and the lottery..
It seems that the heart of “my mother” was not attracted to the one whom her family chose for her, or for the one who had the request of the hand and the choice.. Perhaps her luck failed, or the heart of “my mother” was frustrated, or suspended in hopeless hope, or perhaps some of the old love still beats secretly and discreetly. The things that we leave under compulsion, we remain attached to them, and we refuse to leave them, and they remain in the memory for a period that may extend to old age, and the nostalgia for the old continues to refuse to leave or die.
The contract of this marriage was soon dissolved and the separation took place early, and despite its short days, the pregnancy realized it, and “my mother” gave birth to a daughter from him, and the girl is a female in our male reality, she must pay a high cost, which continues from birth until the end of life .. a heavy and unjust social reality , causes her to pay the tax of her existence, pain and coercion, and a detraction that lasts from birth to the most despicable age, and even male racism pursues her to the shroud and the grave, and even after the dirt falls on her!
Why should a person continue to bear the consequences of the mistakes of others, and in this manner, the high cost that accompanies him until the last moment of his life, and even extends to the ground?! Why do human beings – if this is the case – continue to bear the consequences of a sin and mistakes that were not of their own making, or that they did not make themselves?!
Why do children and grandchildren bear the mistakes and sins of distant grandparents?!! Why should all human beings – if this is the case – bear the sin of our mother Eve and our father Adam until the end of time, if time has another and an end?!
This my sister, with the purity of crystal and the simplicity of good people… She submits to fates with the patience of those who have no power or strength.. She still pays the price for the mistakes of others.. She submits to fates that she did not create, and she did not participate in making, but she was her constant victim to this day. She lived a miserable childhood, and was married as a child to a man who is about thirty years her senior.. This sister is to this day being tossed by bad fates against what she wants… Her last calamity was the departure of her sick daughter, and before her a great affliction afflicted her, the killing of her son in this damned war, which deprived her even of her salary. Al-Shehri, which was seized by warlords, lords of corruption, and merchants of wars and homelands.. Even its name seems to be a deceptive fate..
Her name is not named, and Hana Al-Hana in her life did not find existence or traces of trace.. Even our beautiful names, mostly or some of them, we were deceived by them, they choose them for us; We discover at the end of life that it was just an illusion upon an illusion, and a mirage over a mirage.
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My mother’s marriage to my father:
My “mom” did not want to marry a third time.. She wanted to be content with raising her daughter from the second husband.. But she was persuaded to marry for the third time by her brothers, and she was tempted by describing “my father” whom she does not know as chivalrous, chivalrous and honorable, and encouraged her to the next marriage. To give birth to a son.
They told her: The girl will not help you in your life, that she will grow up and marry, and she will cry and you will cry with her, while the boy will have a certain good and support in your life, and a guarantee for your future in the coming days, and the misfortunes and unknowns that you may carry for you..
Each has his own logic and arguments in the light of a mined reality that is not safe for women, and in which the man has deep and rooted authority over the woman, and in the end his word on it is the separation of the discourse.. and “Hatham” does not have a saying here, and “Juhayna” did not interrupt the saying of every preacher..
“My father” saw “my mother” on the way, so he decided to marry her.. “My father” married before “my mother” four women, they were divorced except for one who remained in his custody. She is the mother of my brother Ali.. Ali was the only surviving boy from the \ Death, and what was left for her, and she remained my father’s wife until her death, and “my mother” became the mother of seven survivors, daughters and sons, and in his marriage she held the conclusion..
When my mother married my father, one of the women called “Al-Baqta” commented on this marriage by saying: “Hanash with Mahnoush,” as if her tongue was saying: I disappointed her with his disappointment.. “My father” had four marriages before “my mother,” and “my mother” had two marriages before “my father,” followed by “my father” third.
Perhaps, in the eyes of some, it began with multiple failure experiences on both sides, and some may consider that both of them have become experts in failure.. Despite this and what was said, this marriage withstood the end of life, defying and overcoming great calamities and events..
And in her life, she chose to have her grave next to my father’s grave in the village, which preceded her leaving twenty years, and choosing her last shrine was her only and last will, and her body was transferred from Sana’a to the village to lie next to him in peace and stillness..
Their marriage lasted for a long time in a legendary steadfastness that is rare like it.. a marriage similar to the marriage of the sea and the mountain.. a constant struggle with ups and downs.. a continuous noise that does not acknowledge or calm down, but it did not give up or turn one of them back on the other in a rupture that lasts.. the greatness of this marriage is its legendary steadfastness. And its continuity, resisting all the factors of separation and separation, and without surrendering to any clash or escalation.. It did not surrender to a factor or emergency, even if it was the size of a disaster, and it was not shaken by panic or panic, or by cutting off a leg and hand, but only ended with death holding the conclusion..
As for me, I was the collector and the joint who continued to give patience and perseverance, and the number that refused to be taken out of the calculation of the equation between them.. I am the absent boy who came after waiting, and my uncles had already talked about him, before the marriage of “mother” to “father” .. I am the one who In my mother’s life, she will be a guarantee for her future in the coming days, and for the calamities and unknowns that she may bear.
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Continued..
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