Diary
A lonely loss and an endless absence!!.. Ahmed Seif Hashed
My memoirs.. from the details of my life
A lonely loss and an endlessabsence
Ahmed Seif Hashed
I still remember Samia while she was lying on the bed.. I was overwhelmed with the desire to know what happened!! Mystery was as dense as a galaxy full of incomprehensible mysteries.
I was looking at her amazed as if I was watching her and discovering her for the first time.. Despite death, her face was pulsating with light, and her eyes were shining despite the silence. She was wearing a dress the color of deer blood.. This color is still a fondness for myself, even if it reminds me of a long separation.. I didn’t realize at the time that death had kidnapped her. And she was gone forever.. I didn’t realize that she is no longer between us and that she will not return..
I was always looking for her and crying and saying to my mother: Look for her in her sleeping place, I want my sister, I want to play with her.. My mother could not bear my painful words that bled blood and burning.. She was trying to swallow her stomach, and she was trying to control her deep grief, so her tears would expose her, and she would burst into tears I cry with her without knowing why.
I hated death since then, but my mother used to console me, relieve my pain and hers, and say: She is in the sky, and she is comfortable there, and happy among the poplar girls, and she eats apples, meat, and all kinds of fruits.. All that I am deprived of in the mortal world is Eat it, and enjoy it in the second life..
Perhaps after a while I thought of leaving this mortal world for the abode of the hereafter to enjoy that affluent life, and make up for every deprivation I lived in this world, but it was hard for me to leave my mother alone to mourn for the rest of her life.. I saw that leaving alone without her is selfishness that plagues me, and I saw that staying is an endless torture Except for my departure.. That’s how things became the same, as if I was spinning in an orbit of torment that does not want to end.. But my mother’s love was great.
My mother told me that I will meet my two sisters (Noor and Samia) on the Day of Resurrection… and when will the Day of Resurrection come?! I hate death and long separation?! The strange thing is that my mother – after a while – used to say to me: The brothers do not meet in the second house except on the Day of Resurrection, but after the Resurrection, there is no connection or meeting between brothers, sons or daughters.. Perhaps it was my mother or whoever brought her this saying, intended to deepen The bonds of brotherhood and the consolidation of love between brothers in this world, but for me it was a matter of deep sadness over a separation that is still far away, and a long heartbreak for the distant eternal separation that comes after the Day of Resurrection..
Because of my excessive attachment to my sister Samia, she was born later, so they called her Samiya, to compensate and alleviate the lonely void left by this death that misses our loved ones.. this cruel death and devoid of mercy and feelings.. The beautiful.
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Continued..
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