A Painful World

Yemeni mp

Ahmed Saif Hashed

The Eid sheep that I tended and cared for, with whom I shared day by day, became a close companion. Why are they slaughtering it?! I watched it on Eid, tense and frozen in place, refusing to leave its pen and part with its family, which seemed highly anxious, as if sensing that something unwelcome was imminent. Meanwhile, I was overwhelmed with pain and choked by outrage!

I witnessed them forcing it down, compelling it to walk against its will, as if it understood that it was going to be slaughtered and skinned. I saw it filled with fear and terror… My eyes observed the scene, silently protesting in a way that felt like it might explode, while tears and sobs lodged in my throat, opposing the grim reality, and I struggled to suppress them as best I could.

Its eyes were wide with fright, horrified by the knife held by its intended killer. I saw it urinate twice in quick succession in the same spot. Its bladder was living moments of dread, perhaps trying to protest in its own way! Moments later, I saw it pacing in the same area, a rope around its neck, pulled tight by another hand that prevented it from moving more than two steps.

It was overtaken by moments of anxiety, terror, and confusion as it wandered the small space it was not allowed to exceed, as if searching for a way to escape, yet there was no escape from the knife on Eid day!

Muslim slaughter occasions are numerous; some are unavoidable and obligatory, while others fall into the realm of symbolism. The knife here does not betray or turn back, and nothing changes the situation.

There is no place for the saying “from gallows to gallows, relief comes,” for the knife is already within reach. There is no verse of salvation or miracle here… the painful truth is that it has confirmed itself, unavoidable and inescapable.

I do not know how our sheep knew that the knife was prepared and ready for its slaughter, how it understood that it was the target. This sheep had never seen a knife or even the blade of one. The question lingers in my mind: how did it know it was going to be slaughtered, skinned, and die?!

I witnessed a similar state of terror in a rabbit that was slaughtered one day! How heavy is this world with cruelty and pain?!

They offered it water in a broad tin vessel to drink before the slaughter, while it refused, as if protesting the fates and laws of this world, which perhaps seemed painfully harsh about life, filled with injustices… I followed the details of its movements and breaths… it lived the intense moment as it was, in all its meanings… I was powerless to save it… the matter was for the grown-ups alone, and I had no say or decision in it.

I was torn apart by pain and sorrow as our sheep was slaughtered; I felt more like I was the one being slaughtered than it was. Then I sought to escape as they butchered it, overwhelmed by bitter rejection and disgust that the world could be so ugly!

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Oh God…! Why does this world devour one another, even if the form of this predation differs? Is it necessary that killing, bloodshed, and slaughter be an existential law that must exist, with no more merciful or less painful option? Why is life so crushing and soaked in blood, where souls are taken…?!

Every animal has feelings and a soul like ours… How harsh, absurd, and wasted does this life seem! Perhaps everyone has become a victim of laws that are certainly larger than us, and we cannot change them… Wild animals prey on one another out of instinct, hunger, or dire necessity?! But we humans can kill each other for unnecessary reasons… We kill each other out of folly or greed, or for revenge… And on top of killing one another, we slaughter creatures beneath us, to feast on their flesh with pleasure and delight… How our insides have become graves for others…!

As a child, this seemed painful to me, and with untainted innocence, I saw the world as very painful. Every chaos in this predatory world requires examination or reconsideration. Life would be better without killing, without pain and blood… Departure is sorrowful, suffered more by the living than the departed, and moments of parting may be the most painful and sorrowful.

Perhaps as a child or youth, I wanted to express all this and more as an advocate for us and for the creatures beneath us, but there is no lawyer for the oppressed souls, and the Eid sheep has become a sacrifice throughout our history… It is an inevitable fate since the day Isaac, the son of God’s prophet Abraham, was redeemed… And as I grew up, I learned many things and found even greater truths.

It is truly unfortunate to nurture an animal, care for it, and gain its trust and affection, while secretly harboring the intent to slaughter and consume it. This is a painful feeling, a love that may appear false, and an excessive selfishness inherent to humanity.

In this context, when I grew older and reached past fifty, I read a news story about a bull sold by its owner to a bullfighting ring.

The bull was seated among the spectators, and as it lay bleeding, with swords embedded in its back and on its hump, blood flowing all around, it saw its owner at the edge of the arena. It rushed towards him, believing he would help, unaware that its owner had sold it for the spectators’ amusement.

One Spanish newspaper commented on this scene, saying, “There is no animal in the world more brutal than man.” Regardless of the truth of this story, it reflects a recurring and widespread reality.

Countless incidents illustrate the relationship between humans and animals, where the animal trusts its owner, who, in turn, intends either to slaughter it for food or sell it to meet his needs. Thus, bridges of affection crumble into unfortunate wreckage for the sake of the owner’s selfishness.

Perhaps this scene reflects some of what occurs between citizens and their corrupt, oppressive governments, or between the people and the tyrannical authority that rules them while profiting from its corruption at the expense of its citizens, living in luxury and excess, bloated with the suffering and deprivation of the people.

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As a child, I never imagined that I would live to witness such horrific and terrifying things… wars and terrorism, people beheading others in an attempt to draw closer to God and seek His forgiveness and favor. People committing all the absurdities and atrocities of the world for the sake of entering paradise and enjoying the company of heavenly maidens.

Wars, killing, and grievous injustices that even the deepest-rooted mountains cannot bear. An absurdity beyond measure… criminals who revel in murder, drowning in blood without feeling guilt or remorse.

It is a staggering paradox that in this world, there are organizations for the protection of animals, while the countries housing these organizations support all that leads to death, plunder, and destruction inflicted upon peoples. I did not realize that the world’s financiers, traders of war and fire, were creating all these horrors that surpassed all that is terrifying.

I never thought that the distortion of awareness would reach such extremes, or that the hunger for sex would surpass all other hungers. I was unaware that there was a crowd at the gates of paradise, eager for heavenly maidens and eternal pleasures, without any diminishment or loss of vigor.

I never believed our future would be snatched away and violated, nor that our dreams would be crucified with such boldness, brutality, and bloodshed!

I was unaware that our homelands would drown in blood, and that a civilization over five thousand years old would face such destruction and ruin, and that death would wreak havoc upon us with such madness, spreading all this corruption that emanates from humans, not from demons!

I never thought we would witness wars like the dirty wars we have seen in Yemen for so many years, or the devastation and destruction in Gaza. I never imagined I would live to witness so much death and ruin, feasted upon by a handful of thieves, swindlers, and criminals of the world… the lords of this world, the merchants of war, and the architects of its tragedies!

We possess an immense capacity for tolerance… if only they would stop the bloodshed and the loss of more innocent lives, burdened by their rulers and the world’s tyrants.

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